Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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