Say something about gay babies.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
NoShamevember. You game?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
