Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm too high and old for this...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
