i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
