dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
