Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
