ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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