Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
