its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
