I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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