are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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