apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
