My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
