i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Can you bring me the toilet please
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
