At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You ate ashes out of my bong
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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