This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
