there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
