exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
