Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
