I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
