tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
