Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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