seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
