I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
