I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
