the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
