What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
