1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he wants to bone in the snuggie
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
