I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There's always time for handjobs
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
