Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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