if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
