So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You are the jesus of drinking
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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