I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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