remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
