those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
no. you can't hotbox the world.
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At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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