yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
