1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
