i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wanna passion pit in your ass
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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