So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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