youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
