She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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