sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
