So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
