i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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