I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
