Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
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halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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