david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
