Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Enjoy the penises
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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