life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
