I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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