After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
