dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
