Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You can't just leave with hair like that
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
