party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
