We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
