You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
