Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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