I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize