is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
