somebody snuck up and got me drunk
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
