life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
