Christians are straight up FREAKS
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
