too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
