After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
