We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
