don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
