Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
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Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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