So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
