so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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