She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
