We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
