WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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